From: guest (r42)
, 13 days, post #1 |
Writing captions is fun, it's invigorating and seductive. It's
erotic, fantastical, and creative. But they're also creepy,
perverted, and secretive. Photos of women (and sometimes men) are
used as a shorthand in place of a physical description, a garnish
on top of the writing (and the other way around), all without their
I used to like writing captions when I was only horny, but then
they seeped into my daily life. I was checking my blog on my phone
at work, writing down ideas and browsing subreddits dedicated to
photos of very attractive women when I had other things I had to
do. I never wrote "typical" captions with three or four paragraphs
added to an image file and then uploaded to a blog, instead they
were more like short stories many paragraphs long of something
inspired by the photo I found (or occasionally searching for the
photo that best fit my story idea). I always liked writing, and
when it became paired with a project that turned me on the outlet
became escapable. No longer were my more legitimate writing
projects at the top of my head, the things I would be happy to
attach my real name were no longer my main focus, instead
captioning became my secret hobby.
I stuck with the caption game for a while, got more views on my
blog than any other of my more legitimate projects and then one day
I realized that this was enough, this was not the hobby for me. I
didn't want to build a following based in secret, one that used
other people's photos in ways they did not intend for them to be
used. I was done. I quit it all. Dismantled my blog, deleted my
account, and went into the world leaving this life behind me. For a
There's something about alcohol that brings out your desires,
repressed or not. Despite me leaving that life behind, there have
been moments where I'd come home drunk and horny. I'd then
drunkenly set up another blog, find some pictures on reddit and
begin writing half completed stories. I'd wake up hungover with the
knowledge of the blog I created, go to it to see what I've done
then get pulled back in. It doesn't hurt to get something out of
your system right? As much as I honestly believe it's healthy to
get something out of your system I would continue writing those
incomplete stories, feel good about my writing and put it down for
a few hours. Usually later in the day, after clearing my head I'll
have a sudden sense of dirtiness, that I soiled my hands in the
hobby I swore to leave behind, and so I'll go back and delete my
accounts and change the passwords to something I don't know. This
pattern has repeated itself more times than I'm comfortable with.
It has been over two years since I "officially" left the caption
scene, but my drunk and hungover comebacks have happened far too
many times. Since I left the scene my personal life has gotten
better, and with it getting better there is more to lose. I'm in a
wonderful relationship and my career is looking great. The
addiction of caption writing still sits in the back of my mind.
What if I have another relapse and my partner finds my work? What
if I slip back into building a blog and lose work hours to a
fetish? There are things I can lose in one way or another that I
can't lose over something so trivial as a writing fetish fiction.
to;dr - I used to write a lot of captions, the writing became
addictive because of the erotisms, my love of writing, and the
notarity that came with growing a blog. I realized I didn't want to
focus my time and energy on something that I couldn't be proud to
share with others IRL so I quit. The addiction of captioning still
hasn't fully left my system and I'll occasionally relapse and write
again (usually while drunk or hungover), I'll then feel shitty for
going back and delete it all. This has happened to me more times
than I would like to admit.
From: guest (balotelli)
, 13 days, post #2 |
I AGREE!!!, thank you for your deep confession... I hope I can put
this behind me as well|
From: guest (balotelli)
, 13 days, post #3 |
I started writing these on writing.com, I already wrote 74 chapters
and would like to stop... wubbalubbadubdub|
From: guest (r42)
, 13 days, post #4 |
It's hard to leave something that gives you so much pleasure. It's
the heart of any addiction, psychological or not. When I do relapse
the part of me that hates that I do this comes out. I stopped
writing the idea of becoming somebody else as a good thing, there
are consequences with every action. I started telling more stories
through the POV of the women who lost their bodies to pervy men, I
started telling stories about the difficulties of actually becoming
a woman (from the physical to the social). And you know what, I
actually like my stories more than the cut and dry conventional
way, things are more interesting when they're grounded in reality,
and because of that, during my relapse I'll actually take pride in
what I wrote, but in the end the stories have to go.|
It became a way to both express my grievances and fetish at the
same time, but no matter how much I liked my story I still used a
photo of a woman in a way she didn't intend for it to be used, and
I still was keeping secrets from the ones I love most.
I've considered just writing and leaving the pictures out of it,
maybe use them for inspiration and no more. I might feel better
about myself then, but I'll still have a secret and to be honest
there's a certain level of excitement that comes with using
something in a way that it isn't intended.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
From: guest (Kanske)
, 13 days, post #5 |
I don't write that many captions any more but I have a lot of ideas
when browsing pictures.|
I've wasted hours of browsing pictures of attractive women,
formulating a rough idea for a caption, saving the picture and then
just leave it be to take up space on the harddrive.
I've erased tens of thousands of saved pictures that I felt that
they never would get a real caption written to them.
From: guest (Buddyboy)
, 12 days, post #6 |
I recently spent an afternoon writing an mpreg story, posting and
then promptly deleting it, so I know the relapse feeling.|
From: guest (Recovering Cap addict)
, 12 days, post #7 |
i’ve relapsed a bunch of times and normally quit when i reach a
high amount of success and attention because having this giant
secret audience for my stuff kinda gets to me too. i’ve suppressed
my urge to write captions and stories by well...writing captions
and stories. i keep my account very lowkey and try not to call a
lot of attention to it and just post it occasionally, just remember
that this is just a hobby and isn’t worth your time besides when
you’re feeling horny. when you get this way write yourself into
satisfaction or something exhaustion and post it somewhere just to
get it out.|
From: guest (Link)
, 12 days, post #8 |
Could you link to blog pls r42|
From: guest (r42)
, 9 days, post #9 |
My blogs are all deleted, as the all eventually end up.|
From: guest (D)
, 7 days, post #10 |
I understand everything you said, r42, and have felt the exact same
way. It is addicting, and it's hard to quit. I struggle with the
morality of it too, using people's pics. I'm terrified people in my
life will find out about my secret obsession, as most of them would
probably never come near me again. I don't expect people to
The way I look at is like this: if it is an addiction, best to stay
away so it doesn't keep you from what you really want to spend time
on. If you are able to give it a small amount of time when you want
to, like 15-30 minutes, then maybe you can do that.
I think, ultimately, it's good for caps to exist. It provides a
decent outlet for people that have the same fantasy of tg. I know
they let me know that I wasn't alone so many years ago when I got
into it. I think there are healthy ways to incorporate into one's
everyday life, because I think fantasies are healthy and broaden
one's perspective. I think our hesitations are because we see
things through other people's eyes and how they would react.
From: guest (Hobbitking)
, 7 days, post #11 |
I also wrote a shit tone of captions with random photos online, I
was addicted to it and even started taking requests. Eventually I
went back through them and saw how many of the stories I didn't
like / reflected my interests.|
I also thought about the people in the photos, how they would react
to seeing what I had written (I have kept a few captions such as
random objects, like a statue or someone taking a selfie or things
from TV shows where those affects have been put in place and I just
make my own story up for that particular transformation).
I now mostly do short 1000 word or so open ended stories for my
From: guest (r42)
, 5 days, post #12 |
I had another relapse within the past 24 hours and I decided to go
with the nuclear option. I downloaded and purchased one of those
distraction blockers, put all the usual trigger sites into it and
set it to run 24/7. I have today off to do productive things in my
personal life and I ended up wasting most of the morning away
procrastinating by looking for pics and writing.|
I just finished a book on habits and it's given me a new
perspective in how my addiction works. One of the things mentioned
in it is the environment, and as long as I can't access it in my
environment I'll be forced to do something different.
From: guest (Susan Donym)
, 4 days, post #13 |
I have a couple of suggestions that will hopefully decrease the
shame you feel around this. First, if you're going to write photo
captions, only use images from movies, TV, fashion shoots, etc.,
and never use people's candid shots, selfies, etc. Stuff from the
mainstream media is fair game for parody, remixes, etc. A private
individual is a different matter.|
Second, even if your writing is inspired by a photo, I'd suggest
leaving the photo out and trying to turn it into a story that you
can publish on Amazon. When something is just a hobby, it can feel
like self-indulgence and wasted time. But if you're turning it into
a profession, something you're getting paid for, that's a totally
different situation. You're not wasting time... you're practicing
Finally, I think you may be over-estimating the damage you'd suffer
if people in your life found out about this. As long as you're not
writing anything illegal and you're not exposed in some
spectacularly humiliating way, like you accidentally CC'ed your
raunchiest stories to everybody in the office or something, it
probably wouldn't destroy your career. It's 2019, and things are
changing fast. It's a post Drag Race-world, and trans feelings just
aren't as shocking and taboo as they used to be. I'm not saying it
wouldn't be embarrassing as hell if you're co-workers found out
about this, but it would be similarly embarrassing for any of your
co-workers if people found out the details of their sex fantasies.
Whatever a person's sex fantasies are, they have to do what they
can to avoid sharing them with co-workers. That's just being an
adult. So, definitely don't write captions at work, try to keep
those worlds separate, and don't be paranoid about it beyond that.
If the person you're in a relationship with thinks that trans
feelings are a deal breaker, maybe that's a person you don't really
want to be with. Ideally, anybody you're serious about should not
about this stuff and support you. Again, it's 2019! You're not
doing anything wrong.
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