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From: DB Cooper
, 74 months, post #21 |
I identify as male, though if I were to miraculously change into a
twenty year old woman with her own life already set up, I wouldn't
complain. Of course, if I were a thirteen year old boy in these
permissive times with understanding parents, I don't know if I'd
come out as trans or not.
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From: guest (Can I Be Her)
, 74 months, post #22 |
Male and cannot see myself having an operation. I would prefer a
magical or some high tech means to become someone else, It is not
nice, and this is only fantasy thoughts, but it is fun to imagine
getting to be someone that I choose. Stepping into her life and
being seen as her. I've thought of becoming co-workers,
ex-girlfriends, the woman working at the diner, the celebrity on
screen, to the girl next door that seemingly is a wallflower. How
nice it would be to have the body to wear the clothes that would
never fit me as a male. I know there are crossdressing options, but
it just isn't the same. I want the actual parts, not the ones I
currently posses.
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From: guest
, 74 months, post #23 |
It seems like there's not a lot of trans people here.. I am a
transwoman and I present as a woman publicly. I'm somewhat lucky my
voice and face are feminine enough that I can pass all the time.
However, I won't go through the current operation since it just
doesn't seem worth it. I long for the day that I can change my
actual DNA and have a real female body. Or at least for VR to be
real enough that I can have that experience
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From: guest
, 74 months, post #24 |
Straight post-op woman for MANY years. Was semi-fetishistic about
this stuff before transition and that comes back from time to time.
For the most part, though, this is gone from my life.
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From: guest (Should Be Beverly)
, 74 months, post #25 |
Wanted to add that I appreciate the original poster asking this in
a thread. So often I want to scream to the world about the internal
struggle that goes on in me over who I am, and who I long to see
when I look in the mirror.
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From: guest (Jayzie)
, 74 months, post #26 |
How did you know you were trans? When did you realize it or was it
always something you knew?
Did it start off as a sexual kind of fantasy but then you realized
there was a lot more to it?
Sorry for the questions, I'm just curious.
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From: guest (Hey Beverly)
, 74 months, post #27 |
Who is it that you want to see in the mirror?
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From: DrunkenSneech
, 74 months, post #28 |
> How did you know?
Jayzie, I am not poster #23 or #24, but looking back, M2F fiction &
transformations was initially a way to safely explore my sexuality.
I clued in that it was more than just a fetish when that
exploration and (at the time grudging) acceptance of that part of
myself unlocked a "new" part of myself: the un-ignorable need to
present as a woman for mundane, non-sexual socializing, like
grocery shopping in fem, going to the post office in fem, etc. And
doing that confused me, because I found those interactions much
more fulfilling than my initial erotic interest had been. After a
while, anytime I presented as a guy felt like a lie, even when I
was alone with no one else as an audience. I had a need to present
as my female self even doing stuff like puttering around in the
garden in non-sexy women's overalls and crocs getting dirty and
sweaty, or cleaning the oven in non-sexy (female) sweats, or just
watching TV in a ratty (female) t-shirt and shorts. At that point,
I finally made an appointment with a therapist who was stunned that
I still hadn't put all the pieces together. Once I got on female
HRT & a T-blocker for a couple weeks, the blinder-like focus of
testosterone wore off, and then it was Duh! obvious.
Most TG/M2F transformations don't do anything for me anymore except
when there's an element of character actualization/growth towards
their true self, or when the transformation leads to greater
fulfillment with a partner. Switching to female hormones didn't
kill my sex drive at all, but it (re)connected that drive and my
emotions so that sexual acts are more fulfilling & satisfying
(instead of it just being a release like it was on testosterone).
Female HRT doesn't seem to have changed my sexual orientation
either (lesbian now), but I don't worry anymore about the
possibility of being attracted to guys/a guy. As long as I am
perceived as a woman/female (including by me), I don't care much
about the details of which type of woman I get sorted into (if that
makes sense). I find I am paying attention much more to the likes
and wants of the other women around me now, and the cues and
language they use to convey that info. My food tastes have expanded
and I'm more likely to try new things; I like teas much more, and I
can't stand coffee black anymore. I never smoked, but I swear I can
even smell (the sense) better.
As a downside, my sister and I are more competitive now, and she
gets on my nerves much easier than she ever did when I was still on
testosterone. I feel like I'm still playing catch up in learning
how to deal with all these damn emotions (which were always there,
but just heavily suppressed and ignored before). It's much easier
for me to cry or become upset now, but it's also easier to laugh
and, weirdly, feel happy. Sometimes I kinda miss the laser-like
focus that testosterone gave me, because it was much easier to tune
out and ignore all the other noise (hunger, tiredness, lack of
emotional fulfillment, being too hot/too cold, etc.) to complete
one task and then the next. My feet and the small of my back get
cold all the time now. I still get aroused with a partner about as
easily as before, but it usually takes me more effort and focus to
hit orgasm; without a partner, I have much less interest in
masturbation.
This is all probably TMI I know :)
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From: DrunkenSneech
, 74 months, post #29 |
But, for all those who find gender and physical transformations
just a kink, a fetish, or a fantasy, that's fine with me too (not
that you need my approval). Whatever gets your motor going and gets
you off is good, and you should be able to do it without fear of
being judged and shamed.
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From: guest (Pat)
, 74 months, post #30 |
That was a fantastic description Drunkensneech. It helped me
understand the difference from where I am, which is outwardly male
with the fetish versus those those who transition. It also makes me
happy your experience is going so well.
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From: guest (Bud)
, 74 months, post #31 |
What about guilt and your conscience? What about the need to be
normal and accepted? Don't you ever feel conflicted? I know I do.
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From: DrunkenSneech
, 74 months, post #32 |
Bud, who are you asking? Yeah, I felt guilty about transitioning
and still do somewhat, but I know that compared to now, I was a
barely functional human. It was getting harder and harder to make
it through the day, and I was researching ways to commit suicide
that would look like an accident. I hated to put my friends and
family through the turmoil of my transition, but my death would
have been far worse. Even if all of them are still not totally
comfortable with my journey, they can see how much more alive I am,
how much happier, and how much more I can give back. Transitioning
was the only realistic option that would save my life.
I'd rather be accepted, tolerated, and even disliked for who I
really am. Being accepted for a fake persona was empty and
corrosive to my soul. I was raised Catholic, so maybe I had an
advantage in having learned from an early age how to manage my
layers of guilt, to figure out how to use it as a tool and impetus.
Trans people have been part of humanity's recorded history going
back centuries, if not longer. Trans people are a minority, but we
seem to be a normal expression of humanity among all of the many
possible variations. I can't help if what I am makes people
uncomfortable or angry, but I can demonstrate through my actions
and patience that we have much more in common than we are
different. I will never be perfect and there will always be
challenges to overcome, but doesn't everyone? All I can do is keep
trying to be the best person I can be, to do good, and to use my
experience and natural gifts to contribute and make the world
better in some small way... but again, isn't that everyone else's
journey too? What does it matter if I do it as a woman instead of
as a man?
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From: guest (Jayzie)
, 74 months, post #33 |
DrunkenSneech, this has all been incredibly enlightening. Thank you
very much. It wasn't TMI at all, btw.
I was curious because I think I'm probably somewhere between the
"Just likes the fetish but would never consider changing" and the
"Has thought about transitioning many times." While there's no
doubt a feminine aspect to my personality, I think the male aspect
is still the me that's dominant.
Reading your post clarified some things which I found interesting.
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From: guest (Bud)
, 74 months, post #34 |
When I say you, I usually mean a group. In my previous post, I was
talking to everyone on here that has the desire, fantasy, fetish,
or wish to be a woman. I have never felt normal and accepted not
because of the fetish but because I have never truly felt like I
fit in. It was mainly due to physical and verbal abuse by bullies
in school. I was always an outcast and outsider.
For me the whole fetish thing is an escape from reality and to get
a sexual and adrenaline rush. It's kind of like a drug so for me I
don't think I would ever do surgery or medication because I
wouldn't want to permanently turn into a woman. It's just not for
me.
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