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From: Lady Sekhmet
, 88 months, post #41 |
@tru1
While true, it is a half truth. In fact, it is a half truth that is
belied by the very existence of this website and those like it.
It fails to take into consideration how individuals perceive
themselves. The question becomes one of identity. Is a person
merely their physical body or are they defined by their mental
processes.
My take is it's the combination of the two. Each influences the
other. If I am naturally attractive it's going to impact my mental
well being and conversely, if I am mentally fit, my body will
reflect that in terms of how well it is cared for.
The problem however is that both can be broken. We can be
physically deformed or diseased which puts pressure on our mental
well being. And the opposite is just as true, defects in our mental
processes can result in a lack of care for our physical body, or
even an outright rejection of it.
We have fairly advanced techniques for treating physical defects,
but we lag terribly when it comes to mental defects. Are you ugly?
Plastic surgery can help. Do you have cancer? We can often cure
that. Does your brain tell you that your body should have been
female? We don't know how to fix that. Ideally we would repair the
part of the brain which is sending that incorrect signal, but we
don't know how. Instead we attempt to force the body into a
simulacrum of how the mind perceives it, but it's a blunt tool and
more often than not, causes more problems both social and physical.
And what about those whose brains tell them their body should have
been something that isn't even human? Or someone who believes an
arm or leg belongs to someone else? These are clearly defects of
the mind yet we haven't the slightest idea how to fix them. Instead
we allow them to indulge in fetish and fantasy
which is considered either harmless or deviant depending on who
you ask.
People are complex. We all know that. And absolute categorization
according to physical attributes alone will ALWAYS fail.
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From: guest
, 88 months, post #42 |
Just letting you know, I think of "trans" gender and "normal"
people. I try to say "cis- fe/male" instead, but it never comes up
for me irl.
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From: Lady Sekhmet
, 88 months, post #43 |
PC terms are dead. SJW culture is dead. Terms like "cis" and all
it's flavors are no longer useful. We don't have specific names for
people who prefer trance to rock and roll, we don't need terms to
label mindsets about sexuality beyond the physical. We need to stop
pigeonholing ourselves with labels.
Welcome to the New World Order.
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From: MissMako
, 88 months, post #44 |
I'll just place this little educational video for those who may not
be aware of the Transphobic Attitudes people like me have to deal
with constantly - even on sites that are meant to be TG friendly :)
Welcome To A Trans Person's Life 101
- Miss Mako -
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From: Lady Sekhmet
, 88 months, post #45 |
Mocking intelligent positions is not the proper way to make a
point. All that video does is alienate those who are already on
your side. It's really a terrible presentation, something that I
imagine appeals to transgender folks but no one else. It's like
trying to present a pro Trump video to Hillary supporters that
tries to persuade them by mocking Hillary supporters.
Not to mention the premise of the video and it's conclusion are
incorrect. It asks the question "If your gender were changed, would
you not still identify with your original gender" and then attempts
to compare that to a TS who grew up believing they were the wrong
gender from birth. The argument fails because in the first
instance, you're talking about someone who had a lifetime of
socialization in their correct gender and then changes. In the
second instance you're talking about someone that has NONE of that
social upbringing. These are two entirely disparate situations,
polar opposites in fact. A TS has no idea, and can never have any
idea, what it is like to grow up a woman.
Further, whatever became of common sense? If you want to be treated
normally, then you need to present yourself normally. If you don't
"pass" as a woman, do not expect people to treat you as a woman.
This doesn't make the person "transphobic" any more than treating a
275lb NFL player differently than an 80lb ballerina. We interact
with people based on how they present themselves, it's human nature
and it's common sense. I can tell you this, if I went to the South
Side of Chicago I'm going to be treated far differently than the
Gold Coast and that has everything to do with my appearance and
mannerisms. Similarly, if you're a TS who does not pass 100% (and
I've only met two who could in my lifetime) and you walk into a
Texas bar, there's a good chance you should be expecting to be
treated differently there too. Culture matters.
This is not to say people can't be friendly or at least civil
(which virtually everyone is), simply that if you are different
then you should expect to be treated different. If you expect to
world to treat you as though you are what you wish you were rather
than how you actually are, then you're living in a fantasy world
and you can expect to be constantly disappointed with people's
reactions.
If you are a TS then you are different. It's really that simple.
You have to get comfortable with that. Transitioning may seem
worthwhile to some, simply living with the issue may make more
sense to others. But no matter what you choose, you will never have
what a person who doesn't suffer from dysphoria has. It's a
handicap, an uncorrectable birth defect if you like. Of course it
doesn't have to be something that dominates your life either. A
good analogy is Professor Hawkings. The guy has tremendous physical
problems, and people DO treat him differently because of them. But
that doesn't stop him from excelling in other areas.
Sorry if I'm long winded about these things but I honestly believe
there are societal problems with peoples expectations in fringe
groups. Demanding acceptance from everyone around you is not
reasonable. The best we can hope for is tolerance and civility and
even that is no guarantee in the real world. If you go out there
understanding this, then the world isn't nearly as disappointing.
btw, whatever happened to cj? I've not seen hide nor hair in quite
some time.
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From: guest
, 88 months, post #46 |
I, for one, don't demand acceptance. I (as just stated above)
expected to be treated as I am perceived. I don't expect to have to
answer questions about whether I am "cis" or "real" or whatever. To
me, that would be like walking up to a woman and saying "do you
have a uterus?" or a man and saying "Do you have two testicles?"
It's just rude and, frankly, none of your business -- if we get to
a point where you are starting to think "I'd like to have children
with this woman" and you started expressing that, I might, at that
point, inform you that I am incapable... but, even then, it's MY
choice if I want to explain why or not. How I was born is no more
anyone else's business than I want it to be.
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From: guest (Luv_To_Switch_Bods)
, 88 months, post #47 |
Unfortunately this is pretty stupid.. If you're born with female
structure, etc..
well it's self explanatory..
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From: Lady Sekhmet
, 88 months, post #48 |
That's so totally not the case and not even close to what I was
saying.
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From: guest (pippy)
, 88 months, post #49 |
u rock miss mako! long time fan & agree with u
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From: guest
, 88 months, post #50 |
LS provides the most reasonable perspective here.
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From: guest
, 88 months, post #51 |
Also. If you're in a relationship with someone and you're not being
honest about the realities of your anatomy, that's pretty fucked
up.
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From: MissMako
, 88 months, post #52 |
Thanx pippy!
I agree with you 'guest'. I re-entered the dating world again these
past six months. I've been 100% open and honest right up front with
who and what I am - with both Cis-Men and Cis-Women. I'd say half
the time - it's the men that go "yeah I don't do that" - and my
response is always "I'd rather filter out people now than have it
come back and be a problem down the road" and we move on. Most
everyone has been very civil and cool about it - but every once in
a while - a Cis-Man has become violent and lashes out.
And yes - so far - it's been the Cis-Men who seem to have the
problem with me being Transgender. None of the Cis-Women I've met
or gone out with have had a problem. It's been a Universal Truth in
my life with even my Cis-Male friends and family - whom have
struggled more with me than the Cis-Females. Each person I've dated
has told me at one time or another "I never would have known you
were Transgender had you not told me." They've appreciated my
honesty and open book like nature.
Now - I do know other Trans People who keep their situations secret
for a short or long time while dating. And I don't agree with that
personally - as it does warrant a narrative of being secretive and
stealth like with Trans Peeps in general. But for me it's less
about the physical as I can do and feel just about anything a
Cis-Woman can (with the exception of bearing children at this
time). For me it's more about not lying and letting people know my
whole self. While I will always consider myself to be a WOMAN and
the world treats me as such - I still recognize I wasn't always
this way. I have family and friends who will always be a part of my
life. And I never want them to lie or pretend who and what I really
am.
I think it might also be easier for me to find people to date as
I'm in my 40's - and everyone I've dated has already been married
and has kids. They tend to be more mature in what they want in a
relationship and don't want anymore kids (like me). Plus I do live
in Los Angeles - where people in general tend to be a little more
opened minded than other areas in the state and country I've
visited when it comes to inclusivity.
I am not ashamed of being TRANSGENDER. I'm also not ashamed of
being a WOMAN. And the best part about dating for me - is when
everyone treats me and sees me just as the woman I am.
I'll be honest - I pass very easily. I get hit on out in public and
online mostly my Cis-Men... and it's still alarming to me to be
honest... cause for 40 years I never had that happen and it's very
foreign to me. I understand that even in the Transgender World - I
am privileged with how I look and naturally behave and have an
advantage that others do not have. And that makes me sad for them
for sure. I've been in situations where I've been with some of my
Trans Female Friends and have had guys come up and hit on me - but
don't give them the time of day.
But I didn't Transition to get attention or show off. All of that
has been a bi-product of me just needing to align the Gender In My
Brain and my Physical Gender. When someone tells me I'm not a "Real
Woman" - I have taken the approach - it's their problem - not mine.
A few times - I understand it's said out of ignorance. But more
often than not - they are Trolls and Bullies who like to create
distress and discord in others - cause they themselves are unhappy.
Might work on some people - but never with me. I've been Anti-Bully
since I was a little kid and will always call this behavior out for
the rest of my life. I'm in my 40's and have experienced this
behavior in others all my life - and it's very Universal with
anyone who tends to act out of anger or hatred towards others based
on opinions/beliefs and without even knowing me personally.
Anyone who has met me Post-Transition has had no idea I was
Transgender until I tell them. And I only tell those whom I want to
be friends or more with. The rest of the world IMO doesn't need to
know my personal life.
Cheers :)
- Miss Mako -
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From: MissMako
, 88 months, post #53 |
The Gender Revolution
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From: guest (Gary)
, 88 months, post #54 |
Missmako are you going to return to making movies?
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From: guest
, 88 months, post #55 |
Well, my attitude is that I don't tell people until I think the
situation is getting serious. I am not one to let things get
physical too early -- I prefer being friends with someone first and
not every friend needs to know. I don't lie to people -- like you,
I pass fairly well and so no one asks. I also get a good sense
fairly quickly (given the news these days and the political debates
about bathrooms and such) how likely they are to be accepting or
not. And I have ended relationships because I know that someone is
not very accepting.
To "guest" above, I am not dishonest about my anatomy. We just
don't discuss it and, frankly, if I had someone ask me that
directly (which I am not saying that a guy doesn't have the right
to do), I think I'd be annoyed by that question regardless of what
the the truth was and regardless of how he would react. Again, that
would be like asking me very early on in a relationship "Are you
capable of having children?" I just don't see it as appropriate
regardless.
Am I taking risks? Maybe... Do I have a right to my privacy if
someone asks me out to dinner to not reveal intimate issues about
my life? I think I do. I decide to tell/discuss when I think it's
appropriate, I don't think I have to mention it if a guy offers to
buy me a drink at a bar!
Been doing this for quite a while (more than 10 years post op)
never had a problem and have had every guy I told accept it in one
form or another -- one did not any longer want to date but is still
a good friend more than 5 years later.
I believe it's up to the individual... be as open or as private as
you like. The only exception I can think of is that I once met
someone who MARRIED a guy before she told him. That's INSANELY past
the "this is getting serious" line that I mentioned above -- it
should have been discussed years before that.
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From: guest (JosieChung)
, 88 months, post #56 |
I wasn't going to say anything, but I'd feel terrible if I left
Miss Mako, Guest (above), and others standing by themselves...
I am also a transgender woman. I am not dysphoric or mentally
disordered. I am a real woman. I don't need something fixed in my
brain, LS, and I wouldn't allow it. Science has been slowly
tickling out the secrets over the last couple decades that there is
much more to being male or female than just XX or XY chromosomes.
There's a lot more going on with epigenetic switches, hormone
washes, a mother's exposure to environmental elements and
stressors, neurological-kinesthetic mapping, and probably more,
that all affect development in the womb.
I'm pretty lucky and often got "maam'ed" and "miss'ed" even before
I first started hormones. But as I quietly move about just doing
everyday stuff, I too often see cis-women get double-takes and be
mis-gendered because they don't fit someone else's limited concept
of femininity. Yeah, I wasn't lucky enough to be socialized in a
"girl role" growing up, but that doesn't invalidate me being a
woman. Cis girls get 18 years to try out and model their behaviors
by watchful parents/authority figures and peers, but that rarely
gets mentioned. You might be surprised how quickly someone can pick
up the stereotypical "womanly" mannerisms in behavior, speech, and
movement. I'm not any less of a woman than my mom who lost her
uterus and ovaries to cancer. I'm not any less of a woman than a
cis woman who identifies as lesbian or asexual or tomboyish or who
otherwise violates society's stupidly constrictive ideas of
femininity and womanhood.
As a transgender woman, I don't need your criticism, approval, or
validation anymore than I need your labels, insecurities, or
hang-ups. I'm just quietly going about my life, trying to
contribute and find happiness the same as everyone else. If someone
can't accept me as a real woman, that says everything about them
, not me.
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From: guest (tru1)
, 88 months, post #57 |
perception is irrelevant ...I believe I am a God and you are all
beneath me but that doesn't make it true or real...also if one
community (LGBT) doesn't like words like faggot or tranny then
don't make up words to describe another community like cis gender.
Straight, normal or regular work...contrary to your feelings or
beliefs straight people make up more then 80% of population hence
they are NORMAL!!
the other 20% would be different or not normal.
Argue all your bs and give all your arguments but in the end it is
what it is...You can choose how you identify but can't choose what
you are. Whether you area man or a woman is not debatable it is
science...
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From: guest (tru1)
, 88 months, post #58 |
ps I didn't read your responses I don't care!!
Also I support EVERYONE AND ANYONE in living how they want, as they
want and with whom they want...But I won't be bullied into having
to automatically agree or support other peoples views!! I also
won't be shamed or attacked for not sharing your views or
overlooking your hardships!!
Having a different view doesn't make it an attack or offensive
statement (skin too thin?)..maybe just maybe you are wrong
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From: guest (tru1)
, 88 months, post #59 |
to the mods: allowing a user to erase THEIR own posts;if they
decide they change their mind or start to unintentionally offend
people; would be a great feature!!
Again I didn't mean to offend or hurt
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From: MissMako
, 88 months, post #60 |
To JosieChung:
Thanx for sharing and well said. I feel the same way :)
To Gary:
I'm still waiting for the dust to settle on my own life before I
know what direction I'm headed next. Transitioning physically -
emotionally - socially - is by far the biggest project I've ever
done in my life. That being said - there's a good chance I could be
collaborating with another prominent creator in the TG TF World in
2017. It's in the infant stages - so I can't really comment or say
much about it other than it looks to be fun!! :)
- Miss Mako -
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