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From: guest (G7)
, 167 months, post #21 |
The teasing is my favorite part as well. This story has been really
fun to write!
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From: guest
, 167 months, post #22 |
anything new coming up?
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From: guest
, 167 months, post #23 |
awesome update so far
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From: guest (G7)
, 167 months, post #24 |
Addicted! 11 is complete, I just started Addicted! 12. Hope you
like it...
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From: guest
, 167 months, post #25 |
the update was great. can't wait to see how mary and rich deal with
this.
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From: guest
, 167 months, post #26 |
i'd love to see a f2f change from mary at some point in the story.
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From: dis_guise
, 167 months, post #27 |
I had a look at this, not expecting much -- and ended up reading
the lot. It's quite good: the writing is solid and the story
coherent. Female measurements, female clothes and cosmetics, and
sex scenes get rather more attention than I think optimal for
storytelling, but a lot of readers treasure such things and might
find this emphasis exactly right. At the end of chapter 11 we
finally get some serious consequences from all the reckless
behavior -- going to be interesting.
It's better than much of the stuff on FictionMania and the author
might consider posting it there as well.
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From: guest (G7)
, 167 months, post #28 |
Did a plot twist ...read it and let me know what you think before I
continue?
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From: guest
, 167 months, post #29 |
it seems like she found out about rich and mary a little too
quickly. there could've been a much bigger build up. michelle would
probably be suspicious but shrugs it off as being absolutely crazy
or hearing things. who in their right mind would think anything
like that is possible right? maybe she starts dating marco, or just
hanging around with him a lot more, and notices oddities about
becca and marco (like they are both teenagers yet live in a house
with no parents, don't know anything about the school they're
supposed to go to, etc.). over time she would probably get more and
more suspicious and put more and more pieces together. that would
lead to mary and rich trying to cover it up with her power, but
that blows up in their face and now they're forced to confess. to
me that seems a little more plausible because i don't see anyone
just coming right out and confessing when asked like rich did.
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From: guest (G7)
, 167 months, post #30 |
Agreed!
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From: guest (Mountjoy)
, 167 months, post #31 |
I don't agree. I read the whole story and I was very intrigued when
he told her who he really was. It may have been a BIT rushed, but
as we found out in the last chapter Rich really likes being teased
in his new form, so it makes sense that he would tell Michelle. I
also am very interested to see where this will go bringing another
person into their circle. What transformations will Michelle want
to have done to herself? Plus it gives another person to tease Rich
which is one of my favorite aspects of the story. Reading this
chapter just made me wish the story kept going and going. This is
one of the best stories i've ever read and I commend you, G7!
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From: guest
, 166 months, post #32 |
i think if chelle found out so fast the story wont be so great, i
think as the story goes on chelle will eventually put all the
pieces together!
but it would be nice if becca or marco will live like this for a
while and go to highschool it would be cool!
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From: guest (G7)
, 166 months, post #33 |
It felt too rushed to me. 'Chelle will be a new char that "knows"
but I may make it take longer for her to find out. Maybe a few
days. I see her playing the role of "Mentor" to teach Rich how to
act like a "real" teenage girl...not this sex craved slut!
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From: guest (G7)
, 166 months, post #34 |
Did a huge update. I think it came out pretty good. Let me know
what you think!
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From: dis_guise
, 166 months, post #35 |
Good stuff... I'm not sure you should have followed this path of
opening up the secret, and for another character to so readily
believe something so inherently unlikely is shaky ground. On the
whole, it works, and the new, less-stable situation certainly has a
lot of possibilities. Sometimes you have to take risks as a writer.
I wish that the paragraphs were more clearly distinguished when I
read the story. I'm not sure what's to blame for that.
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From: guest (G7)
, 166 months, post #36 |
Thanks for the input. Try as I might, I can't get the paragraphs to
post exactly as I lay them out.
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From: guest
, 166 months, post #37 |
i think chelle was to easy going to accept the fact that hes a guy
and how everything just works out so easily. i thought it would
take few more chapters to take places instead. anyways its pretty
good since it would be nice for becca to go to highschool and
experience highschool life and the same time living a double life
at hooters and as a man! it should be great see how a slutty
highschool girl she is!
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From: guest
, 166 months, post #38 |
new update please!!
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From: guest (Mountjoy)
, 166 months, post #39 |
G7, I can't begin to tell you how awesome this story is. I've been
reading the small updates that have been happening to your story
and I love every little bit of it. It is still one of the hottest
stories i've ever read. I love it when Chelle asks him questions
about being a girl and about once being a man. I also love it when
he gets teased. Thank you for such an amazing story!
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From: guest (G7)
, 166 months, post #40 |
Sorry Guys...been REALLY busy lately. I started to lose interest in
the story. Any ladies out there want to work with me on the story.
I'd love to pick your brains on details.
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