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From: guest
, 138 months, post #41 |
I would make sure the sad lonely man was straight before giving him
a peak of my panties or boyshorts. I would hold doors for both
males and females but I would expect some men to hold them for me
if I was in a female body.
|
From: guest (Jayzie)
, 138 months, post #42 |
I don't treat both sexes the same, but that's just a personal
thing. I think this "rivalry" between the sexes is ridiculous, as
we were meant to be different. However, I do believe that we are
all equal, for there is no "superior" sex, and thus we deserve
equal rights.
If I was a woman, I'd definitely use my sex to my advantage. It'd
be nice to be on the other side for once, taking advantage rather
than being used as a "nice guy" type that girls use and toss aside.
But I wouldn't treat my "douchy" lovers any better, I'd break them
after a couple of dates as retribution for them always getting the
girls I wanted. It'd be awesome.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #43 |
Actually many psychological studies would suggest that the sexes
aren't that different and therefore are "meant" to be different.
Gender stereotypes often wrongly influence our thinking into how
women and men ought to be when these stereotypes are not based in
nature but are culturally manufactured. The only real differences
are the obvious ones in physical anatomy and some differences in
what subjects each sex excels at. girls outperform boys in some
subjects and vice versa. But other than that there is no evidence
that men and women ought to be that different or treated
differently unless you consider culture and stereotypes as evidence
which isn't really wise to base reasoning off of other than to
understand why humans placed such stereotypes in the first place.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #44 |
AREN'T meant to be different* forgive my typo
|
From: guest (lily)
, 138 months, post #45 |
If I was a woman, I'd definitely use my sex to my advantage. It'd
be nice to be on the other side for once, taking advantage rather
than being used as a "nice guy" type that girls use and toss aside.
But I wouldn't treat my "douchy" lovers any better, I'd break them
after a couple of dates as retribution for them always getting the
girls I wanted. It'd be awesome.
The "other side" has its perqs ro be sure (some of us have spent
considerable time, effort, and money to get there/here) but there
are trade-offs.
Misogyny is a real thing in western cultures and it is more
pervasive and entrenched than it is possible for you to see while
you live as a man.
Look at this video
by Bethany Black. She sums it up very nicely at about 1:15
There is a related, but distinct phenomena called femmephobia --
which categorizes everything feminine/female as inferior to
anything masculine/male.
Natalie Reed has a typically rambling and discursive post about
this here
Since there is nothing so female as a female person, this attitude
-- which is woven through every aspect of the culture -- makes life
more difficult than it needs to be at work, when dealing with
service providers/government officials, etc.
If you are a man, you don't see it. When it is pointed out to you
it looks like isolated incidents perpetrated by few extraordinary
douchebags. Which, or course, is part of the phenomenon. Women who
complain about this kind of subtle or overt denigration can be
ignored as hysterical/oversensitive/bitchy/hormonal etc because
they are, after all, women.
If you are a woman, you deal. If you are ambitious, you take the
"bitch" label as part of the price of doing business. You learn to
ignore or forgive the slimy behavior of even the most civilized men
with whom you work; the propositions and sexual "jokes".
Sex with men, as a woman, is very tricky. The person you invite to
your bed is often physically stronger than you and is a human
being; which means he probably lied about himself to get you to lay
down. The "douchy" men you plan to cast aside can turn into
rapists, stalkers or murderers if they feel like you have taken
away the pussy that belongs to them.
Even the "nice guy types" get sullen and resentful when you fail to
deliver what they think they were promised when you smiled at them,
or what they think they are owed for doing you some favor. It can
get really scary, when one of these "nice guy types" starts sending
you texts and emails (or shows up on your doorstep!) to plead his
case and "just make you understand" how you hurt him.
Women aren't a lot better. Lesbian break-ups are terrifying. But if
it comes to physical violence, it is more likely to be a fair
fight.
These are the trade-offs for good things which are numerous and
wonderful about being a woman, but they are things that shouldn't
have to be traded away (or denied to those born female) just to be
a woman.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #46 |
"The person you invite to your bed is often physically stronger
than you and is a human being; which means he probably lied about
himself to get you to lay down. "
I'm a man and I love having a man in bed who is stronger than me
and who can take control. I find that very hot. I would never want
to be a woman though, I'm quite happy being a gay man and I
wouldn't have it otherwise.
Do heterosexual women also like it when a man is quite a bit
stronger than them?
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #47 |
"Even the "nice guy types" get sullen and resentful when you fail
to deliver what they think they were promised when you smiled at
them, or what they think they are owed for doing you some favor. It
can get really scary, when one of these "nice guy types" starts
sending you texts and emails (or shows up on your doorstep!) to
plead his case and "just make you understand" how you hurt him."
This is a two way street. I know quite a number of girls who get
resentful if turned down. I knew one guy who really wanted nothing
to do with this one woman, and she became really resentful about it
and making dramatic scenes about it. This guy was straight, but I
as an openly gay man have also experienced it with some women. I've
had women who just won't pull back even though they know I'm gay
and I have no interest in them, its gotten really quite annoying at
times. Not all women act like that, though, just as all men don't
act like that, but I'm just saying it definitely is and can be a
two way street. We're all human beings here.
|
From: guest (Guest)
, 138 months, post #48 |
Though I'm a hetero male, I think I'd definitely try it with a man,
*if* I became a very sexy/beautiful woman, at the genetic level.
One thing that I think would push me in that direction, besides any
possible brain chemistry changes that might influence me, is that
I've also always had something of a shrinking fetish. Nothing
extreme, in this scenario, but if I was already turned-on by an
idealized gender transformation (and I would be!), it'd be
amplified for me if I also found myself reduced to, say, a
slighter, 5' 4" frame, albeit with generously sexy curves.
Suddenly finding that the new 'opposite sex' would be typically
bigger and physically stronger than my new form, and the majority
were strongly attracted to me, I think I could be convinced, fairly
easily, to give my new body a test drive, though he'd definitely
have to wear protection. I sure wouldn't want to risk getting
pregnant, or catching a STD.
Not that I think that any typical hetero male would automatically
become hetero female in their desires (I'd imagine many would be
lesbian or bi) after such a transfomation, but I could see myself
going that way, given the above criteria. Not just because of how I
might see men then, but also how I'd see myself in relation to
them.
Now, if it were a situation where I was involved in some magical,
mutually-approved, genetic-level gender-swap with a girl I knew
fairly well, and we each became stunning examples of the opposite
sex, I think we'd probably go at it like rabbits in no time flat!
lol
|
From: guest (lily)
, 138 months, post #49 |
This is a two way street. I know quite a number of girls who get
resentful if turned down. I knew one guy who really wanted nothing
to do with this one woman, and she became really resentful about it
and making dramatic scenes about it.
If I may be forgiven for mixing your metaphor a bit, the street
doesn't see the same amount of traffic in both directions, nor are
traffic laws enforced equally and impartially for drivers in the
two opposing lanes... arrgh. That's terrible.
Yes, women can and do stalk, just as women can sexually harass and
can rape.
Women are also more often the victims of stalking, harassment, and
rape (from both men and women) than are men.
And women are more likely to be physically threatened harmed by men
that the other way around.
Its not that the other way around doesn't happen, it just doesn't
happen nearly as often,
There's a web of expectations and sexual mores that make it "kind
of okay" for a man to be aggressive in pursuit of a woman. A woman
is "crazy bitch who won't let it go." when she sends a text to the
man who spurned her. A man who stalks a a female coworker is (too
often) dismissed as "just trying to get over" with some girl who
"won't put out."
In any event, I was responding to Jayzie's fantasy of consequence
and risk-free sexual omnipotence, in which she
would be nicer to the nice guys than women have been to him
, and in which she
would use her
sexual wiles to teach a lesson to the jerks dated by the women who
won't date nice guys like him
...
It is a completely understandable kind of wish-fulfilmnet fantasy
in a place like this, and I wasn't offering a correction or a
rebuke.
It is not, however, a workable plan of action unless he plans to
become a man again and make his female alter-ego disappear.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #50 |
Well, actually there are different injustices men and women often
face because of society's expectations. Men who are raped often
have more trouble reporting it than women, because their
masculinity is brought into question. And are often asked, well
didn't you enjoy it? Especially if he was raped by a woman. It is
as though a man is expected to enjoy any sexual encounter with a
woman regardless of whether or not he consented to it, and if a man
is turned on during the scenario then it is even more difficult for
him. So yea females do experience many an unjustice, but males
often do as well, but in different contexts and circumstances.
|
From: guest (lily)
, 138 months, post #51 |
Do heterosexual women also like it when a man is quite a bit
stronger than them?
Yes, of course. That is the standard. Straight women go for big
strong manly men with hard muscles and ruggedly handsome faces.
Except when they don't.
While I am not exactly "hetero", and I am quite tall (so it doesn't
happen often), I do like it that my partner is larger/stronger than
I am and I have (occasionally) gone for a "hunk".
When I lived as a man I sought out partners who were small and
curvy. Now my "type" in both men and women is boyish or maybe
coltish. My partner (to whom I am committed by civil union and whom
I will marry just as soon as the my home state makes it legal) was
a champion pole-vaulter. There is no question that I am physically
weaker, and could not hope to prevail in a physical confrontation.
And I thought about that a lot when we first got together.
As a transwoman, being with a lager/stronger partner was not
something I'd been socialized to expect or to desire. So, for me,
it was an issue loaded with all kinds of baggage -- not just the
worries about my physical safety. (plus there is the fact of my
transness, which added a whole other layer of risk to my sex life).
I don't know if cisgendered women have the same level of anxiety,
but I know that it is something that cis-women in my age cohort
talk about and worry about considering whether to "hook up" (as we
used to say ^-^) with a man.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #52 |
I think society is becoming better as time progresses and as males
are more apt to embrace their feminine side. I think this has
greatly helped in the equal treatment of women, as well as the
obvious fight and struggle woman have undergone demanding equal
rights and treatment. But I, personally, believe that the dawn of
the metrosexual and in an age where men are more likely to embrace
their feminine side has helped in equal treatment. Are things equal
now? absolutely not. but I personally think that the embrace of the
feminine by the masculine will help in this debacle.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #53 |
"When I lived as a man I sought out partners who were small and
curvy. Now my "type" in both men and women is boyish or maybe
coltish. My partner (to whom I am committed by civil union and whom
I will marry just as soon as the my home state makes it legal) was
a champion pole-vaulter. There is no question that I am physically
weaker, and could not hope to prevail in a physical confrontation.
And I thought about that a lot when we first got together."
If you do not mind my asking, have you undergone transitional
surgery and is your partner a man or a woman? Did you meet him or
her before or after your transition, if you have had said
transition?
|
From: guest (lily)
, 138 months, post #54 |
If you do not mind my asking, have you undergone transitional
surgery and is your partner a man or a woman? Did you meet him or
her before or after your transition, if you have had said
transition?
I don't mind you asking, but I was being deliberately vague about
my partner's gender.
As for me, I have undergone "gender confirming surgery" (which is
what the fashionable trans-people call SRS, and which I think is
what you were asking).
Which probably answers the question of my partner's legal gender
status -- since I divulged that we are in a civil partnership.
Whether that legal status matches my partner's gender identity, I
will not say.
We knew each other before my surgery. We met after I was
"full-time", but we did not become romantically involved until
after my surgery. Actually, we got together after several
subsequent surgeries, the very visible effects of which outed me as
trans to almost everyone who knew me (and who gave it any though at
all). Which might be the answer to another question; Yes, my
partner knew about my transsexual history before we got together.
And no, this was not the case with many of my partners -- even when
I was "pre-op" (I really hate that term).
|
From: guest (lily)
, 138 months, post #55 |
Men who are raped often have more trouble reporting it than women,
because their masculinity is brought into question. And are often
asked, well didn't you enjoy it? Especially if he was raped by a
woman. It is as though a man is expected to enjoy any sexual
encounter with a woman regardless of whether or not he consented to
it, and if a man is turned on during the scenario then it is even
more difficult for him. So yea females do experience many an
unjustice, but males often do as well, but in different contexts
and circumstances.
Again, its about frequency, magnitude, and cultural expectations.
I do not think you are claiming that the number of unreported
female-on-male sexual assaults approaches the number of reported
male-on-female assaults -- but you are still asserting a false
equivalency.
Women fail to report rapes too. Statistics on things that don't get
reported are hard to collect or verify, but studies like this
suggest that a lot more women don't report being sexually
assaulted by men than there are men being sexually assaulted by
women at all.
Women fail to report because they are ashamed, or because they have
internalized the deeply ingrained and repeatedly enforced idea that
rape is somehow the woman's fault (this guy
got 39% of the vote for a US Senate seat despite hie state belief
that women cannot get pregnant from rape unless they were secretly
asking for it.).
And when women do report rape, the rate of investigation (never
mind the rates of arrest or conviction) are appallingly low
.
There are all kinds issues here, slut-shaming and misogyny and
male-priveledge; but the short version is that women are at greater
risk for sexual violence, and suffer its consequences, to a much
greater extent than do men.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #56 |
I meant how rape and sexual abuse are treated when it is male on
female versus female on male. Think for example the case of Mary
Kay Letourneau, the adult female teacher, who sexually abused her
male student. She had to reoffend on several occasions before being
seriously tried and even then society laughed it off as if that
male should consider himself lucky.
In cases where an adult male molests a girl or boy for that matter
society gets out their pitch forks and torches.
Also take note of the movie "That's My boy" starring Adam Sadnler,
where Female on Male abuse is made light of and made fun of, if an
equivalent movie had been made of an adult male taking advantage of
a female had been made in the same comedic light rest assured there
would be protests galore. I am not commenting on frequency here,
I'm commenting on how both sexes receive injustices but in
different manners and in different contexts.
I'm merely remarking that a male complainant against a female is
taken less seriously and often laughed at. You only need take a
look at the sociological evidence and look at news clips of such
cases to see this exemplified.
I'm not undermining the issues women face and struggle with, nor am
I commenting on frequency, I'm merely commenting on how society
regards sex crimes committed against a male by a female. I'm saying
society is judging both sexes by different standards, and unrightly
so, and thus causing different injustices to both sex, never-mind
frequency.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #57 |
The people who I have the most sympathy for in our society are
women, non-whites of both sexes, and homosexual individuals.
White male heterosexual privilege still greatly rings true to this
day. The WASPS although draining in numbers still have their
mindset hold society in their yokes.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #58 |
And simply because it does not happen as frequently does not mean
it should be taken any less seriously.
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" - Martin
Luther King Jr.
also as far as sexual assaults commited on males I think we'd also
have to take into account prison studies as well as cases of
molestation.
Regardless though of frequency all cases of such abhorrent crimes
should be taken equally seriously and vilified.
|
From: guest (lily)
, 138 months, post #59 |
Think for example the case of Mary Kay Letourneau, the adult female
teacher, who sexually abused her male student. She had to reoffend
on several occasions before being seriously tried and even then
society laughed it off as if that male should consider himself
lucky.
In cases where an adult male molests a girl or boy for that matter
society gets out their pitch forks and torches.
Okay, child molestation is a whole other off-topic thing from the
off-topic misogyny and rape-culture and femmophobia stuff I
inserted into this discussion.
Mary Kay Letourneau was a disturbed woman, herself a victim of
domestic violence, and an ephebophile who "reoffended" by
continuing to have sexual relations with the same teenaged boy by
whom she had two children and eventually married.
That said, she certainly abused her position and took advantage of
a minor. Her crime was statutory rape because Vili Fualaau was
younger than 16 (13 years old at the time of the first incident)
and because she was his teacher.
And, if we were discussing this, I would see your Mary Kay Fualaau
and raise you every serial-molester Priest and Scout Master
University Football Coach who's abuses of children, both make and
female, were countenanced and covered up by the men
for whom they worked.
I would assert that the reason we know the name Mary Kay Letourneau
has less to do with the rarity of a woman sex-offender than it does
with the way the sexuality of women is surveilled and constrained.
A male teacher who lusts after 13 year old girls is a creep, but as
long as he doesn't touch anybody he can get along quite well making
any kind of lewd comments to his colleagues. A female teacher who
lusts after 13 year old boys is a monster the moment she admits to
having such thoughts.
Pitchforks indeed.
Also take note of the movie "That's My boy" starring Adam Sadnler,
where Female on Male abuse is made light of and made fun of, if an
equivalent movie had been made of an adult male taking advantage of
a female had been made in the same comedic light rest assured there
would be protests galore.
Yes. Nobody thinks rape jokes are funny. Except the people who make
them. And the people who laugh at them.
Here
, and also here
I am not commenting on frequency here, I'm commenting on how both
sexes receive injustices but in different manners and in different
contexts.
Yes. And your point is conceded. Men (adult human males) do get
raped. Men get sexually harassed. Mostly it is by other men, but
sometimes they are victimized by women.
But it IS NOT THE SAME THING as the institutionalized and accepted
denigration and devaluation of women that leads to crap like this.
25% of College Women in the US
report surviving a rape attempt (successful or otherwise) since
the age of 14. That is compared to 3% of college aged men who
report surviving a rape attempt as a chile or an adult and 4% or
college men who answered "yes" to the question "In your lifetime
have you been forced to submit to sexual intercourse against your
will?".
Here is the CDC site from which these statistics were pulled
It is not that sexual violence against men is any less serious, any
less horrible, than sexual violence against women. It is that
culture permits, even encourages, sexual violence -- by which I
include harassment and stalking -- against women in a way that it
does not permit these things towards men.
Just to try to bring this back on-topic: A man (an adult make human
being) who transitions to become a woman faces a very different
world than the one she knew when she lived as a man. She has to
deal with a very different power dynamic (to use the standard
phrasing of a Minority Studies professor) as a sexual being.
If our transformed woman is to be a lesbian, she will have to deal
with men who think its their prerogative to "rape her straight."
If she decides to be heterosexual, or bisexual, then she will be
held to a complicated and inconsistent code of sexual conduct where
she is a tease if she doesn't put out, and a slut if she does (and
a bitch if she complains about the unfairness of this).
Seriously, as I said up-thread, it really isn't something you can
see if you are living as a man. You have to be a woman, all day,
every day, for it to sink in that this is really the way people
think about women.
|
From: guest
, 138 months, post #60 |
"If she decides to be heterosexual, or bisexual, then she will be
held to a complicated and inconsistent code of sexual conduct where
she is a tease if she doesn't put out, and a slut if she does (and
a bitch if she complains about the unfairness of this).'"
Last I checked one does not decide their sexual orientation, might
want to read up on your scientific facts and studies there.
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